Wynderlon

The result I got from analyzing the prologue of The Blood Queen:

I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Versus Chapter 1:

I write like
Dan Brown

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Versus Chapter 31 (currently the last chapter):

I write like
David Foster Wallace

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Ignoring for a moment that it’s an Internet quiz and therefore should be taken with a grain of salt, should I wonder if this is a sign of a fluctuating writing style? Meh, I’ll chalk it up to Internet quiz and be amused that my trippiest chapter (the prologue) comes up as Stephen King.

Then, just cause I was curious, I analyzed the 2nd chapter of the 2nd book, which has a sex scene in it, and to my amusement, here’s the result:

I write like
Harry Harrison

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

I have to wonder what Jane Austen would say if she traveled to the modern era only to find she’s been nearly deified as an author of wild talents; her book Pride & Prejudice adapted multiple times for the screen (as well as many others); a movie about her life taken from letters and conjecture; books by subsequent authors creating sequels to her worlds (some good, some involving Mr. Darcy turning into a vampire *gag*); finding that Elizabeth Bennet has been turned into a zombie hunter; realizing that her [supposed] hair is being auctioned off…

And perhaps most overwhelming: that her characters, Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy have become the example of the perfect couple for hundreds, if not thousands, of women and probably quite a few men.

What would that be like? Especially for someone who had to struggle to even get her name on her own work without people disbelieving that she wrote it. Probably better we’ll never find out, she may just keel over from the shock of it. But I’d like to think she’d say something incredibly witty and go off to take a vacation in Bath.

I actually like Lady Gaga’s music, and her outfits are wild. But this music video may top all the previous ones. It’s bizarre…oh, and not work safe (and look! It’s Beyonce and the Pussy Wagon from Kill Bill!). Enjoy

It’s stuff like this that creates the stereotype of “uneducated American hicks” and shows like Smarter than a Fifth Grader. Ugh, “What’s 9 meters in English?” *wince* Painful (but I’d also be lying if I said it wasn’t funny).

Maybe I just like my romance books smutty, or maybe I will freely admit that, to me, there’s little point of reading romance books unless there’s a sex scene or two. I mean, it’s not like they’re particularly unique as far as plot or characterization goes. There’s a few exceptions — just like in any genre — and I’m sure a lot of women have “that” romance book, the special one that holds a special place in their heart because it was the first or the best or something (for me, that’s A Patriot’s Heart by Stobie Piel. It was my first romance genre book. I still have the copy I bought), but lets be honest people.

Where am I going with this? I picked up a book by an author that I like, although I’m beginning to wonder why I like her. Her premises and ideas are awesome, but the execution always leaves me desiring more. When I picked up this book, it was a lesser known one. I didn’t even know she’d written a romance, but I decided to give it a try. Listen to this premise (in my words, cause I’m trying not to name names here) and tell me it doesn’t scream “romance genre”:

The main heroine is a librarian who, one day, witnesses a demon scarf down a child. After that, she vows to hunt the demon sucker down and manages to do just that by finding a treasure trove of demonology books in her library, making a sacred knife, and hunting the demon through the sewers. Unfortunately, making the knife and killing the demon causes a chain reaction of magic that not only piques the interest of the demon world, but the Order, a bunch of people who are fighting the good fight against demons to “keep humanity safe.” The Order sends two field agents to investigate, one is a hot, half-demon guy. Apparently, these half-demons will bond to one mate, to the point of getting rather territorial. Except the Order doesn’t allow their half-demons to bond. Oh, yes, and the demons want to sacrifice the heroine and use her blood to rend open a hole in to the demon world.

I’m sure you can guess where this is going. The amount of times it’s mentioned that hot, half-demon guy just wants to “drag her to bed” and do a lot of bonding (if ya get what I mean and I think ya do ), I was waiting with baited breath. Because, well, he was hot.

…And then the book ended sans lots of bedroom-bonding. WTF? I thought. All that build-up?! Damn tease! Sure, everyone survived. The dude I knew from page 20 was going to betray everyone betrayed everyone. The fight between demons-trying-to-sacrifice-heroine and main characters lasted a page or two (there wasn’t even an epic last battle, just an escape), and suddenly we’ve got an epilogue with the mention of meeting the folks and marriage…and no sex.

So if any romance genre author is reading this, please don’t tease the poor reader. If you’re going to go on and on about how hot-broad-shouldered-conflicted-hero really wants to drag heroine to the bedroom multiple times, then deliver on the goods.

Nobody likes a tease.

According to Comment Central, the strangest book is this gem called The English: Are They Human? I think I’d have to agree — it’s definitely an eye-catching cover due to the title. The book, itself, is showcased on AbeBooks.co.uk’s “weird book room” along with other gems like Is My Dog Gay?¹ and Help! A Bear is Eating Me!²

(When I IMed John the link to The English: Are They Human? his answer was, “No, we’re better than just mere mortals.” )

Anyway, I couldn’t help making a list, too. So here’s Himani’s 10 Strangest Books, In No Particular Order, She Found on the Internet Just Now³:

1. How To Survive a Robot Uprising: Tips on Defending Yourself Against the Coming Rebellion
2. The Mullet: Hairstyle of the Gods (Bwahaha!)
3. Pornogami: A Guide to the Ancient Art of Paper-Folding for Adults (Now you too can giggle like an elementary school kid as you fold paper into big penises!)
4. The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking with Balls (*gag* I think I saw an episode of Bizarre Foods that went like this)
5. How to Shit in the Woods: An Environmentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art
6. The Haunted Vagina (I’m actually curious as to what this book is about. How is the vagina haunted? Does it talk? Do things pop out of it and say “Boo!”? According to the book synopsis, a guy finds out that, unfortunately, his girlfriend’s vagina is the gateway to another world )
7. Children of the Matrix: How an Interdimensional Race Has Controlled the World for Thousands of Years and Still Does (except, despite the title, the book claims it’s extraterrestrial lizard people controlling humans, not robots, so they mixed up the TV show V and the movie the Matrix)
8. People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It (Sounds like a Stephen King novel)
9. Gangsta Rap Coloring Book (you too can have Little Bobby color in a Glock)
10. Dick: A User’s Guide (just in case you get lost)

I would just like to say there are some weird books out there. Some weird…scary books.